Got Any Coins?

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,

but she belonged to someone else.

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, 'I'll give you a £100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. '

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, 'The bastard used coins!'

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and avoid getting screwed!

Don't Copy If You Can't Paste

At training program for the top management A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... And I can't remember who she was !" As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....

Moral of the story: Don't copy, If you can't paste

Miss Beatrice

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

The Painting

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin , a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willy.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink willy also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said,"Would you like to know what the painting is really about?""Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?", asked the couple."Because I'm the guy who painted the picture," he replied."In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.