The Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist,,,,,,and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

"T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ............Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said,,,,,

"Coffee Break,,,,d o your stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet,,,,,,,,,,,

ate the cookies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

drank the milk,,,,,,,,,

sh*t on the paper,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

screwed the other three cats,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

claimed he injured his back while doing so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,,,

put in for Workers Compensation...............and

went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Side of Life

Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: it's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: Your youngest son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your wife and you agree, no more kids. Bad: Your wife can't find her birth control pills. Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

Good: Your oldest son understands fashion. Bad: He's across-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than your wife.

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your 10 year old daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It's another man. Ugly: He's your best friend.

Good: Your 15 year old daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Very Ugly: She makes more money than you do.